It's gonna be okay
by DrowningInFandom
Summary: Rachel is pregnant and Santana is doing what she can to help but is this just a good friendship or is there something more between them Pairing: Pezberry Rating: Subject to change
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not and i never will own glee or any of its characters **

**Set in season 4 Girls (and boys) On Film **

**First fic ever so reviews much appreciated if i get no feedback in a week i'll leave this story and start anew **

* * *

Once Santana came home and saw Rachel sitting on their couch she knew it. She knew she was in her new home. Even though man-hands hadn't been one of Santana's best friends at McKinley she felt closer to the girl now and she knew that Rachel was part of the reason she loved being here. Conversation still didn't come easy for them so Santana just said the first thing that came to mind when she can through the door.

"Okay New York may be disgusting, especially when it's covered in grey, nasty snow and the people may be horrible and rude and some smelly, homeless man in pee stained tighty whiteys might have groped me on the subway and then asked me for a dollar but I gots to say I finally feel like I have found my people."

Rachel who seemed a little out of it to Santana only responded with "I'm glad that you found your corner of the sky Santana" Noticing that Lady Hummel was nowhere in sight and having nothing else to talk about Santana decided to ask Rachel.  
"Where are the hardy boys, investigating the mystery of god could you be any more annoying?"

"Kurt and Adam are at NYADA" Rachel's answer was so short and emotionless, it was not like Rachel to be like this and Santana knew the easiest way to get Rachel to talk was to make her mad by insulting that mannequin boyfriend of hers.

"And Pablo Escobar, did he ever come home?"

"BRODY, is in the shower" that hint of sass in Rachel's voice told Santana she was getting somewhere even if it was going to her being yelled at by man-hands it didn't matter. It would be better than sitting in this apartment in dead silence while the knowledge of Rachel's situation was eating her alive. So she had to keep the ball rolling. Making the choice to stick to her theory of Brody being a drug dealer she added to Rachel's shower statement by saying

"Where he will be for the next hour scrubbing the drug shame off his frictionless body."

"For the hundredth time okay, if you keep making fun of Brody" This was it now it was time to come clean.

"I'm not; I mean I am just not now. Okay look now that we're alone I want to talk to you about what I found in your bathroom trashcan underneath the waded up tissue paper, the used cotton swabs and the soiled acne wipes. An item which unless Lady Hummel has actually been a lady all these years, could have only been yours."

Even though Rachel knew perfectly well what Santana had found she stuck to her guns and denied everything like she had been for the past week "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Rachel… you're really not gonna tell me about the stick?"

"You had no right"

Santana could see the tears forming in Rachel's eyes and knew how hard this must be for her. All she could do now was comfort her friend

"Rachel I'm your friend, you can trust me just tell me what's going on."

With Santana's words Rachel broke. Everything, all the anger, worry and sadness came flooding to her taking over every thought in her mind until there was nothing left but pain. Collapsing into Santana's side the queen of the New Directions sobbed into her friend and Santana had no idea how to react. Last time one of her friends was pregnant she didn't have to say or do anything but now she had to help. Right now she couldn't do much but she could sooth her friend while she was crying. Softly Santana rubbed Rachel's back and held her close quietly telling her "You're gonna be okay. It's okay. It's gonna be okay".

They sat there together -Rachel in Santana's arms - for what felt like hours. Santana's hand moving gently up and down Rachel's back while slowly rocking her back and forth until the diva had calmed down enough to talk.

"Brody should be getting out of the shower soon so I should probably clean my face or something. He can't know about this. Santana please don't tell anyone. Nobody knows, not even Kurt."

"Rachel I promise I won't tell the human Ken doll about his incoming plastic demon spawn but you can't just deny that this is happening you need to deal with this and since he is the father he needs to know."

Rachel was unable to meet Santana's eye. Even though this woman now knew more than anyone else in her life she couldn't admit to her that she didn't know who the father was. That night with Fin was so amazing and sweet but the night before she was with Brody and it was erotic and romantic. The two men were polar opposites but now one of them was the father of her child. But which one?

The two women sat there facing each other not sure what to do or say. Just then Brody came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel tied around his waist. As he sauntered over to Rachel's corner of the apartment Santana couldn't help but ask herself what Rachel saw in him. Sure he was attractive in a hairless boy-wonder kind of way but he had the personality of a wet mop and he was so shady that he could be an Arabian slum lord. Rachel could do so much better than this Frank Lucas wannabe. As soon as Brody was out of earshot Santana spoke in a low tone "Rachel I know this is hard because the American Psyco is here but we need to talk about this if not now then tonight when Brody goes on his nightly drug round to the NYU dorms selling pot to the philosophy majors."

"Santana I've had a really tough few weeks can we please just drop this for today?"

"No, we need to talk about this. Rachel this is a big deal you can't just shrug it off you need to talk to me."

"Hey Rache, I gotta go into work they just called and said that one of our waiters dropped out and asked me to take his shift." Brody called while he was getting dressed behind the curtain that was the door to Rachel's bedroom. As he stepped out in his dark grey suit Rachel couldn't help but go over and kiss him. As their lips met she felt all her worry slip away into the passion of the kiss until someone interrupted."

"Ugh straight people, god you guys get a room." Santana said purely to piss off Brody.

"Santana if you want to live here I suggest you get used to my presence cause I have a feeling I'll be here a lot."

"Oh is that so cause for the whole three weeks I've been here I've never seen you here between the hours of 6pm and 2am. So where do you go Brody?"

"He has work Santana. New York is the city that never sleeps so of course they need waiters at all hours of the day."

'And there she goes again, defending him when she knows I'm right' Santana thought to herself as Rachel kissed Brody again. 'Ugh disgusting'.

* * *

**I am so sorry for my crap grammar and stuff even though English is my first language... i blame the schools :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still don't own glee**

* * *

When Kurt had finally gone to sleep after one of his famous TV marathons, Santana decided if Rachel wasn't going to talk to her then she would talk to Rachel. After waiting a sold hour after Kurt had gone to sleep (just to be sure that no one would hear) Santana moved over to Rachel's 'room' (though it was really just some curtains around a bed) and walked inside where the diva was sitting on her bed as if waiting for Santana. Having a woman waiting on a bed for her was something Santana loved in life but this woman? She couldn't think like that with Rachel especially now that Rachel was pregnant.

"Santana you can come sit down you know?"

The diva's words caught Santana off guard until she realised that she was still standing in the doorway. Moving quietly she walked over to Rachel and took a seat on the edge of her bed. An awkward silence surrounded them as neither girl knew what to say. Santana had every intention of talking it out and making Rachel listen to what she had to say but now no words came. As the two women sat there in silence Rachel had no idea what to do or say. Santana wasn't someone Rachel was used to trusting but now she had no choice. She had to say something to break this silence but she couldn't sitting here was the best she could do if Santana wanted to talk she would have to start.

The silence was becoming unbearable so having nothing to say Santana decided that actions speak louder than words. Placing a hand on Rachel's thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze she looked into those warm brown eyes encouragingly. The gesture was simple enough but it affected Rachel more than Santana expected. The smaller girl broke down again crying her heart out into her hands. Santana couldn't stand to see her like this, placing her own hands on top of Rachel's she moved Rachel's hands away from her face.

"Rachel" she said while placing one had upon the younger girls face. "How did this happen you're smarter than this? I mean I'm not judging and I'll support you the whole way through this but I need to know everything and you need to tell Brody. He can help you Rachel as much as I hate the guy I know he would look after his kid."

Rachel just sat there looking at the Latina not knowing what to say but that silence told Santana more than enough. Brittany always said that Santana understood people better than she could understand music but she never agreed until now. Something was off it wasn't just the pregnancy there was something more and it showed whenever she mentioned Brody being the father.

"Rache, I'm sure Brody is gonna be a great dad. It's okay." There it was again a glint in her eyes and a movement of her eyebrow. "That is of course if he's the father. He is the father right?"

"I don't know" She confessed her voice thick with emotion as she began to sob again.

"Oh sweetie, it's okay." Santana said as she pulled Rachel into her lap hugging her tightly. Rachel put her arms around the Latina's neck and just sobbed into her friend. Santana didn't know what to do so she just did what she thought Rachel would do. She started to sing. Softly so as to not wake Kurt, she sang into Rachel's ear.

"I know this pain  
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?  
No one can change your life except for you  
Don't ever let anyone step all over you  
Just open your heart and your mind  
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to  
Turn around and say goodbye  
Until then baby are you going to let them  
Hold you down and make you cry  
Don't you know?  
Don't you know things can change  
Things'll go your way  
If you hold on for one more day  
Can you hold on for one more day  
Things'll go your way  
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain  
Or are you comfortable with the pain?  
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness  
You got yourself into your own mess  
Lettin' your worries pass you by  
Don't you think it's worth your time  
To change your mind?"

As Santana's beautiful voice filled the small space Rachel felt soothed and relaxed and found herself humming along to the song. The beautiful Latina and her magnificent soprano were more than enough to calm Rachel but she kept going until the end of the song at which point Rachel sang the last words with her in a beautiful harmony.

"Make up your mind  
Hold on  
Hold on  
Baby hold on"

Once the song was over the girls noticed that it was nearing 3am. Rachel had NYADA classes all day and Cassandra July was not the kind of person that accepts tiredness as an excuse for bad dancing so she needed her sleep.

"I uhh… I'll let you sleep then. Night Berry."

"No! Um I mean… Could you stay with me, just for tonight?"

Santana was not prepared for that and the question shook her to her core. 'Why would Berry want me to sleep in her bed with her?' and then it hit her. Rachel didn't have Brody tonight and she probably wanted some companionship.

"Yea Rachel of course." Santana said as she walked back over to the bed and climbed in next to Rachel.

Not knowing how to act Santana just stayed as close to the edge as possible which was as far away from Rachel as she could get. The girls lay there in silence for a few minutes until Rachel did something else completely unexpected; she moved right over to Santana and put her arms warmly around the older woman. This time Santana knew exactly what to do; she placed her arms around Rachel's waist and brought her closer enveloping Rachel in her gorgeous scent. Being there in Santana's arms was a million times better than being in Brody's.

Santana may be a bitch but in this moment she was the sweetest person Rachel knew and despite everything Rachel could really get used to this but this isn't something friends do all the time. Maybe this isn't how our friendship is supposed to be but this is how she liked it maybe they could be more than friends. If it meant staying with Santana like this all the time then Rachel would love to be more but she knew that would never happen. She was just the girl with the animal sweaters and Santana was the hot head cheerleader. Even though high school was over that's how she knew Santana saw her.

Closing her eyes Rachel lay there and let herself forget everything; losing herself in the face of her sleeping friend. That night when she slept she dreamt of Santana.

* * *

**The song from this chapter in case you're interested is Hold On by Wilson Philips **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Yep i don't own Glee **

**sorry this one took more time but it is considerably longer and they will be from now on so it will take more time**

* * *

A week had passed and nothing more had been said about the pregnancy, actually Santana hadn't spoken to Rachel for two days. Queer and Queerer had been hanging around the apartment so much that Santana never got the chance to be alone with Rachel not to mention donkey face never left her side while he was home. Santana wasn't the only one who noticed this either, Rachel had been wanting to talk to Santana every day but someone always got in the way but not tonight. Tonight she was going to take Santana out for a real night in New York and they were going to talk about this because as much as she didn't like to admit it she needed help. First a little dinner, then a real Broadway show and once the good stuff was over then they would talk about what Rachel was going to do.

Walking over to Santana who was sitting on the couch watching TV, Rachel sat next to her and as casually as she could manage leaned over and said to her. "Hey San, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight like a real New York night on the town, my treat."

"As long as bat boy and robin won't be there, I'm in."

"Great. I'm looking forward to it." Somehow Rachel Berry had managed to make the simple sentence into the most seductive thing the Latina had ever heard. Though she was sure they were just friends she definitely heard the wanting in Rachel's voice. Those pregnancy hormones must be doing something cause there is no way Berry would talk like that normally. As Rachel rose from her seat and began to walk away Santana couldn't help but staring at her as she walked. She needed to go outside and clear her head, she couldn't be thinking about Rachel in a romantic way because A. Man-hands is straighter than an arrow, this pregnancy proved that and B. She was involved with Brody. Santana may have been a lot of things but she was not a cheater… anymore.

Excusing herself from the apartment she walked downstairs and out onto the cold New York street. The chill that hung in the air around her helped her to think and she knew what she had to do. Taking her cell from her pocket she scrolled through her contacts until she found the name she was looking for. The phone rang 4 times before the husky voice she knew so well answered.

"Hey Santana, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need your help. Well actually Rachel needs your help. Could you meet us at Central Park at around eleven? Please this is really important and you're the best person to help her."

"Sure. I'll be there as soon as I can but do you want to tell me what's going on before I hop on a train and travel two and half hours?"

"I wish I could but right now I can't just be there and I'll explain everything when I see you."

"Fine I hope you're both okay. I'll see you tonight Santana."

"See you then." She said as she hung up the phone.

Santana walked back upstairs and sat back down on the couch with Kurt and prepared herself to sit through The Golden Girls for the next few hours.

* * *

Once five o'clock came around Santana thought it best to start getting ready, not knowing how she was supposed to dress she decided to go more formal than she usually would for the evening. Picking a gorgeous red dress (not unlike the one she wore to junior prom) and doing her hair and make-up to really show off her natural skin tone and brown eyes she felt ready to hit the NY streets. When she came into the kitchen if she thought she looked good then Rachel looked amazing. As soon as Santana saw Rachel all she could do was stare. Apparently Rachel decided to dress up too, she was in a gorgeous baby pink dress and her makeup complimented her natural beauty perfectly. If Santana hadn't been sure that this was just a friendly outing she would've thought that Rachel did all this for her but she knew that wasn't true and that she should stop getting her hopes up. The two women stood there taking in each other's beauty until Kurt came in with Adam and excitedly began to talk to them.

"Oh Rachel you look so great, very small-town-girl-turned-sexy. I like it. You look great too Santana."

"Thank you Kurt, you and Adam have fun tonight but right now Santana and I have to go or we will miss our dress circle seats for Les Mis."

"Oh my god, you got dress circle seats! How the hell did you manage that?"

"Well being a NYADA student under Carmen Tibideaux who recently won the winter showcase has its perks. But we really have to go now Kurt, goodbye."

With that the girls walked outside to a waiting taxi. Once inside Rachel told the driver to take them to a restaurant that Santana had never even heard of. It was a short drive they probably could've walked if they wanted to but with it being so cold out and them both wearing heals it probably wouldn't have been the best idea. The restaurant itself was small but incredibly inviting and somewhat romantic. The maître d seated them in the back in a very private part of the building. They both looked over the menu and ordered before they began to talk.

"So Santana how do you like New York?"

"It's good but you already know how I feel about being here. How are you doing Rachel? Have you told anyone else?"

"No and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I mean I still don't even know who the father is, I've been going over and over this in my head but there is no way to tell."

"So who do you think it could be? I mean I didn't peg you for the type of girl who fooled around Berry but I guess I've had a bigger influence on you than I thought." Santana said in a playful manner as she flagged the waiter over to their table.

"Santana you know I'm not like that and don't flatter yourself with you thinking that you could change that. There are only two possible guys and I care for them very much."

"I'm sure you do Berry but do they love you enough to stick around after they find out?" Rachel didn't get a chance to answer that as the waiter came over to take Santana's drink order. "Yea I'll take a glass of Chardonnay and a glass of water for my friend here."

"I'm sorry miss but I'm going to need to see some ID."

"Of course." She said flashing the same fake ID she used at Mr Shue's wedding. That small distraction is what Rachel needed to change the subject of the father's devotion to her. She had no doubt that if Fin was the father he would take care of her but if she told Fin and it was actually Brody's that would kill him after what Quinn did and on the other hand if it was Brody's she didn't know what he would do.

"Have you decided what you're going to do for work or college or whatever?"

"No, right now I'm still living off the money my parents gave me but I think I might like to do something to do with the arts I mean it's what's always been there for me so I should probably continue down that track."

"Well that's great have you thought about NYADA I mean it's too late to apply for this year but you could always apply for next fall. Or you could go to Juilliard I mean they don't have a musical theatre program but they have a killer dance program and you are such an amazing dancer that I know you would be accepted."

"I was thinking of Juilliard but it such a good school I don't know if I would get in. I mean even if I did get in all the teachers would probably be jealous because not only am I hotter than them but I could dance their asses off."

"I have no doubt that you could Santana. Oh yay look her comes our food."

The two women ate while making small talk and laughing at each other's lame jokes. After the entire three coarse meal was over the pair left the restaurant and began to walk down the streets of New York towards the Broadway theatre. On the walk to the theatre not much was said between the two but it was a comfortable silence. At some point during the walk the women linked arms but neither of them noticed until they reached the theatre and the usher was showing them to their seats.

"Here are your seats Miss Berry you and your date have a lovely evening"

"Oh ah we aren't together we're just friends."

"I'm sorry for assuming Miss, have a good evening."

* * *

The show was amazing Santana had never seen anything like it. All the actors were brilliant and the songs were magnificent it was the best night out Santana had ever had. Santana and Rachel walked arm in arm to central park, walking through the gorgeous New York streets towards the beautiful park was an amazing experience. Even though Santana had been living in the city for over a month she had never actually walked the streets or been to the park and it was a truly beautiful place to be.

As they walked through the park Santana knew they were close and that she should give Rachel some warning as to who she was seeing. As the ex-cheerio stopped walking Rachel turned to look at her and saw mostly worry in those amazing brown eyes.

"Santana what's wrong?"

"Okay, please don't freak out and hate me."

"Why would I do that? You have been nothing but nice to me since you found out."

"Well considering I'm the only person that knows and I really can't offer much help because I've never been through any of this before I called a friend and she can help you more than I can. I haven't told her anything I just said that you need help but I really think you should let her help you."

"Who is it?"

"That would be me."

Rachel turned at the sound of the familiar voice and saw Quinn standing in front of her. Seeing Quinn here in the city was not something Rachel was prepared for. Walking over to the blonde she just smiled and wrapped her arms around her.

"It's so good to see you Quinn, but you didn't have to come all the way out here just because Santana called you."

"Yea I kinda did Rachel she said you needed my help so here I am. You can trust me Rachel, you came to me when Fin first proposed and you can come to me now. Just tell me what's going on and I'll help in any way I can."

Stepping back from the embrace Rachel could feel the tears burning in her eyes. She couldn't tell Quinn the more people that knew the more real it felt for her. While she was thinking about this the tears started to spill and she felt a strong hand on her shoulder as Santana had moved forward to comfort her.

"Rachel." She said in a soothing voice. "You can tell her, you know she can help and that she won't tell anyone."

"You're right. But I can't I'm sorry Santana I just can't."

"Then if you won't I will." Santana said turning to Quinn. "Q, she's pregnant and she needs help. I'm sorry I called you and if you don't want to help you don't have to, I understand that it might be hard for you but she really needs you Q."

"It's fine Santana I'll help in whatever way I can. Rachel you're going to be okay you can get through this just like I did."

"I don't even know if I want to keep it or even who the father is. I don't know what to do Quinn."

The tears were flowing heavily now as Quinn took Rachel in her arms.

"It's okay Rachel we don't have to talk about this tonight, go home and get some rest. I'm staying at a hotel a few blocks from your apartment if you need me tonight just call. Santana I know you live with Rachel and Kurt but if I'm right you are still staying on the couch so how bout you come stay with me in my hotel for tonight and stay in a real bed."

"Yea Q that sounds great."

Quinn moved over to Santana and hugged her too having not seen the girl since Valentine's Day. The blonde leaned over and whispered in Santana's ear.

"If you're up for it I was kind of hoping we could make it a three or four time thing."

"Oh you sure know a way to a girls heart Q, I thought you weren't into that kind of thing? But yea I'm up for it."

After they dropped Rachel off at her apartment the two went over to Quinn's hotel and up to her room. Once they made it through the door Quinn turned and kissed Santana pushing her pack against the door and closing it at the same time. The kiss was full of passion as Santana's hands roamed up Quinn's incredible body. Santana wrapped her hands around Quinn's thighs before lifting her and carrying her over to the bed. They spent the night enjoying each other but knowing it would never happen again.

* * *

**Okay so you may not agree with Santana and Quinn sleeping together but have no fear the Pezberry ship will sail in the next few chapters. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything **

**I would really love some reviews cause i don't know what you guys want out of the story or even if you like it so just float me a review any feedback is much appreciated **

* * *

The next morning was a blur as Santana and Quinn raced to get dressed after they got an alarming phone-call from Rachel. She said she thought something was wrong and that she needed them urgently. The two women ran through the hotel room gathering their discarded clothing from the night before and raced out the door not bothering to take a cab as they were so close that running was faster anyway. Both of them being cheerleaders meant that they were both fit enough to run the entire distance without stopping. Reaching the apartment in 10 minutes flat the girls ran upstairs to see Rachel sitting on the couch with her hand on her stomach. She was obviously in pain, Santana ran to her in a panic.

"Oh my god, Rachel are you okay?"

"It hurts, Santana it hurts. It's not meant to hurt right Quinn? This isn't normal right?"

"It's okay, Rachel we are going to take you to a doctor and see what's going on but tell me what it feels like what kind of pain is it?" Santana admired Quinn and her ability to keep calm in a situation like this. Santana could never stay that cool while one of her friends was in pain. As it was she was completely freaking out. Kurt walked through the door to see the three women sitting there, Santana freaking out, Quinn calm and Rachel in pain. It was obvious that something was wrong so he too ran to Rachel.

"Rachel what's going on, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Kurt. I just have to go out with Santana and Quinn for a while I'll be back later."

"Please don't lie to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm fine, drop it Kurt. We're leaving now I'll see you tonight sometime."

Kurt looked dumfounded as Rachel walked out of the apartment followed closely by Santana and Quinn. She had never spoken to him like that before this must be more serious than he could imagine.

Quinn hailed a taxi as Santana stood by Rachel trying to find out what was wrong. So far she couldn't think of anything from what Rachel had told her. She hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary, she has had plenty of water but she said it felt like someone was twisting a knife in her stomach. Rachel was incredibly worried, having stomach pain while nine weeks pregnant can certainly have a negative effect on the mother to be.

Finally a cab stopped and the girls hurried in and before Quinn had even shut the door behind her they were on their way to the nearest hospital. Weaving through the traffic faster than any of them would've thought possible they got to the hospital and paid the driver before quickly taking Rachel inside. They were made to wait in the ER waiting room for at least half an hour before being able to see a doctor. Once taken to an ER bed Rachel started to calm down a little bit but Santana was still flipping. At one point Quinn had to hold her back after she started going all Lima Heights Adjacent on a nurse who came to look at Rachel. The doctor came to Rachel's bed and started to ask her questions while he was preparing the ultrasound. With each minute that passed Santana grew more and more uneasy. The thought that something was wrong with Rachel was tearing her apart.

"Okay Miss Berry, everything looks okay for now. A nice healthy baby, strong heartbeat and you have good rhythms too. I think right now you are just experiencing severe cramps which can be normal this early in the pregnancy. Have you been to an OBGYN?

"Um no not yet, I've just been kind of afraid ya know."

"Yea I get it considering your age. Have you thought about what you are going to do with the baby because judging on how far along you are you only have a few more weeks until it's too late for termination."

"I know and no, I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'm still just trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is actually happening."

"Okay, right now I say you can go home but if the pain gets worse or you start to bleed come back immediately. I know that is a scary thought but you are doing great now and I just want to make sure it stays that way. Goodbye Rachel a nurse will be over with some papers to sign shortly."

"Thank you doctor."

The three girls sat there in silence, each consumed in their own thoughts. Even though nobody spoke it was like they could feel what the others were thinking and all of it was centred on Rachel. Finally Quinn spoke up.

"Rachel I know from experience how hard this is but you need to make a decision about what you're going to do. For me I thought about it for a while before I realised that it was a choice I couldn't make alone, so I turned to god and I prayed for help. I know that might not be your thing but what I'm really trying to say is that you can't do this alone. I'm here for you and so is Santana so we are gonna talk it out and you're going to make a decision before I go back to school."

"I have no idea what I'm going to do Quinn."

"I know that's why you have us."

* * *

The three girls walked into their apartment an hour later, exhausted from the long morning and the run from the hotel. Determined to talk it through with Rachel, Quinn asked Kurt to leave the apartment with Adam. The fierce look in her eyes told Kurt that he needed to do what she said. Quinn moved a chair in front of the couch so that both Quinn and Santana could look Rachel in the eye. Rachel took her seat followed by the others. Though Rachel knew she should be focused on the situation she was in all she could concentrate on was how close Quinn was sitting next to Santana. For some reason their closeness annoyed Rachel to no end but before she could begin to dwell on that thought once again her thoughts were interrupted.

"What are you thinking Rache?"

"Oh um nothing sorry Santana, I'm just a little out of it."

"It's fine but we really need to talk about it. I mean are you even ready to have a child? You would have to drop out of college, take some crap job at some fast food place and you would have to forget about being on Broadway until the kid's old enough to stay home alone. Could you really see yourself raising a child in this apartment?"

"I don't know I mean that isn't the only option. I could give it up for adoption like Quinn did or go to Shelby for help I mean she is somewhere in this city and now she has Beth I'm sure she would help me, I'm her daughter I know she would help me."

"So you would go to the woman that won't let me see my own child for help? I don't think that's the wisest of choices."

"She wouldn't let you see Beth because you tried to get her taken away from her. You did that yourself Quinn. I'm sorry I brought up Beth but she is a reason I would go to Shelby."

"Okay, so your options are Shelby, adoption, abortion and you. So what are you going to do Rachel? You don't have long until you only have Shelby, adoption and you. So if you are even thinking of abortion then you don't have long to decide."

"I know but I don't think I could do that I mean I can feel him or her growing I know it's weird to say but I feel a connection I don't think I could kill my own flesh and blood."

"That's okay I felt that too. Rachel what is your heart telling you to do?"

"I don't know, sometimes when I think about it I could see myself with Finn and the baby in this apartment. Taking her to the ballet or taking him to basketball games. I could see my child growing up here. But then at other times I see myself alone with my child not being able to afford to take him or her places and having to be away from them all day because of the second class job I have to do just to keep us alive. I don't know what to do because I don't know if I will have Fin for this."

Santana (who had remained silent for most of this conversation) was the next to speak up.

"Rachel you told me you didn't know who the father was, so why now is Fin the only person you see in your future?"

"I guess because he is the one I want to be the father. Like you said before I know Brody would be a good father but I just don't want him to be."

"You can't tell Fin until you are sure you are going to keep it and that it is his. You can't do what I did, it would kill him."

"I know Quinn and that's why I haven't told him and that's also why I'm still undecided."

"You can't rely on him I know that better than most. Not because he is a bad guy or anything it's just that things never go according to plan. If you don't think you can do this on your own then you can't keep it, sorry but that's the truth."

"So basically I need to do this on my own or not at all."

"Yea"

"No! Rachel you will never have to do this alone. You have me and Kurt, we will help you. Q I know you know better but you don't need to make her feel hopeless."

"And you don't have to give her false hope Santana. You called me because I've been through this I know when there is hope and when there's not. I'm here to help her where no one helped me!"

Even though Quinn didn't raise her voice that much the fact that she was so close to Santana made it feel like she was shouting. She knew that it was hard for Quinn but she didn't think that she was still mad at everyone for not helping her when she needed it most. She didn't blame her though, if Santana had been in that position she probably would've been a lot angrier than Quinn.

"Okay Q, I think Rachel has been through enough for the morning maybe we can talk about this tonight and maybe at your hotel so we can stop kicking Kurt out of his own apartment. So I'll take care of her for now and you go outside and experience New York. It really is different when you walk the streets on your own for the first time."

"Fine S I'll see you tonight, see you Rachel call me if you need anything." Quinn said as she hugged both of the girls and left the apartment.

Rachel just stood there as Quinn walked out the door she may have been the biggest diva on earth but wasn't a fool, she noticed things. Like how the hug between Quinn and Santana lingered longer than her own hug and how the brief eye contact the others made was not that of friends but of lovers. She knew they had something other than friendship and for some reason it killed her inside, the fact that Santana had somebody bothered her way more than it should have. She had never thought of Santana (or any woman) in that way and she didn't know why she was now. Maybe it was because of the hormones or maybe it was because Santana was helping her in her hour of need and wasn't treating her like a stupid teenager who got pregnant and didn't know who the father was. Santana was treating her like a real woman and nobody had made Rachel feel like that since she first fell in love with Fin.

As Santana closed the door she turned around to see Rachel staring at her with a mix of anger and confusion. She couldn't imagine why she was feeling that way but it worried her.

"Spit it out Berry, what's eating at you?"

"So you and Quinn huh? I mean I guess I should've seen that coming she is gorgeous and you… you're perfect for each other. Both hot head-cheerleaders and you had that whole unholy trinity thing I mean god know what you three did together I really shouldn't be surprised."

"Okay 1) my love life is none of your business, 2) me and Quinn are not together like sure we did the nasty a couple times but we are not together nor will we ever be together and 3) why does it bother you?"

"I doesn't I mean why would it? It's not like I think you're the most beautiful girl I've even seen or anything and it's not as if all the time we've spent together over the past weeks all I've been thinking about is if you notice me. Yea I know this is probably the hormones talking but I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to act or what's going to happen next. I don't know anything and this is so frustrating for me."

"Oh thank god, I've been wanting to do this for days."

Santana walked over to Rachel with a feeling of purpose as she placed a strong hand on Rachel's soft cheek and quickly brought their mouths together before she could protest. Their lips moved together in perfect synchronisation as they both felt a passion neither had felt before. Though this was all new for Rachel she quickly responded to the feeling of Santana's warm body bringing a hand to the nape of her neck pulling her closer while the Latina brought a hand around to the small of the brunettes back. Rachel didn't know how this worked for two women so she just went for what her instincts told her to do as she brought up her free hand to Santana's lower back and moved it down lightly groping Santana's perfect ass. But apparently she stroke a cord as Santana started to pull away.

"What? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry."

"No, no Rachel it's not you. You're great that was amazing but I can't do this with you. You're pregnant. Not even an hour ago you said how much you wanted Fin to be a part of this. I can't do this until you make a choice I'm so sorry but I can't."

* * *

**Reviewing is nice aint it :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay guys i am so sorry this took so long and it's not very good i've just been going through some stuff and the story might get a little darker but it's gonna get okay again and i promise to upload more now that im okay again **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee (wish i did)**

**Dedicated to Cory Monteith **

* * *

Rachel sat on the couch holding her beautiful new baby girl when Finn came into the room doing his idiotic smile that she loved so much. They sat together smiling and cooing the little bundle of life in their arms, Finn didn't care if it wasn't his daughter he still loved her and he loved Rachel too. She smiled down at her daughter and Finn leaned over and kissed them both on the forehead. They finally had their family. After all they had been through, Quinn's pregnancy, them breaking up over and over again, their wedding being cancelled more than once. Now things were finally good with them until the baby started to cry. She cried for days and days, nothing could soothe her. After a week of crying Finn started to get mad, he yelled more often and drank every day and one day after an especially long day of drinking he came home to his wife and child everything was okay that night until Rachel asked him to take the baby. Finn became enraged when the baby started to cry again and he blamed Rachel. As he brought his hand down across his wife's face with enough force to make her fall to floor he beat his wife within an inch of her life.

Rachel woke up shaking in a cold sweat. Her dream had been everything she wanted but it turned into her worst nightmare. Would that really happen if she kept the baby? She loved Finn with all her heart and she had to believe that the nightmare was just that; a nightmare. Before she had gone to sleep Rachel had made her decision and in her mind it was final. She was keeping her baby with or without Finn. Closing her eyes and settling back down Rachel let herself think of her future the way she saw it as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

Waking once again Rachel felt more at peace than she had in months, she was content in her new decision and her future with her baby and maybe even the love of her life. Standing up and slowly stretching she made her way to the kitchen where Kurt and Santana were already eating breakfast. She walked over to them with a massive smile plastered on her face as she sat down and began to pour her cereal. Kurt noticed the sudden change in the recently moody girl and was curious as to the cause of this change.

"Hey Rache what's got you so happy this morning? Good dream?"

"No definitely not a good dream but I do have some good news, I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god! Rachel are you sure? Who's the father? Are you gonna keep the baby?"

"Yes Kurt I'm sure and I am keeping the baby." She said with a meaningful look towards Santana. "and the father is Finn." She finished the sentence with such certainty that Santana knew this is what Rachel wanted now and that she had made her choice and she wasn't going to change it.

"Wow Rachel I'm so happy for you come here!" Kurt squealed as he jumped to his feet to wrap Rachel in his arms.

The two embraced for a long time before Santana jumped up and joined them in a group hug. The three separated smiling at each other and giggling like school girls. That day the three of them sat together and spoke about the very real possibility that Finn wouldn't be there for her and so the roommates made a plan together that would allow Rachel to keep her baby.

* * *

After a long day of talking and planning with Santana and Kurt Rachel decided to take a nap and let herself rest after such a long morning. Again her dreams were filled with the thought of her and her baby together and happy. The visions flowing through her mind of her daughter or son were the best thing she had experienced in weeks. The soft warm bundle of life turning into a beautiful child learning to read with bedtime storied told by Kurt and learning to dance and sing with Santana and herself. She was so excited for her dreams to become her reality.

After only two hours of sleep Rachel woke in agonising pain. Her abdomen felt like it was trying to destroy itself from the inside out and Rachel yelled for her roommates. Santana was the first to her side with Kurt close behind.

"Rachel what is it what's wrong?!" Santana asked in a panicked tone. "Kurt call an ambulance now!" Kurt hurried out of the room in search of his phone while Santana tried to calm Rachel down. "Shhh it's going to be okay Rachel, you're going to be okay. Where does it hurt? Is it the same pain as before?"

"No" said Rachel in between laboured breaths "this is worse, so much worse"

The ambulance arrived and took Rachel and Santana to the hospital. Rachel had asked Kurt to stay home and call Quinn to tell her what was going on and knowing better than to question her while she was in that much pain he reluctantly agreed.

The ambulance was nearing the hospital but the pain was becoming too much for her and Rachel lost consciousness. Rushing into the hospital the paramedics left Santana standing alone in the waiting room with no idea what was going on.

* * *

Rachel woke up the next morning feeling stiff and groggy. She tried to move to try and get some feeling back in her heavy limbs but she couldn't and that's when she noticed a certain latina sound asleep on her arm. Lifting her free hand Rachel slowly patted the cheerios hair wanting to give her some rest after all the stress that had been put on her for the past few weeks. They stayed like that until a very official looking doctor entered the room- waking Santana in the process.

"Good morning Miss Berry."

"Um, Hey. Is something wrong with me? I don't know what happened after I got in the ambulance. Am I okay? Is the baby okay?!" as soon as she mentioned the baby the doctor looked down unable to meet her eye. "I am so sorry Miss Berry but…"

"No! No! NO! that can't be no. please tell me that's not right please tell me my baby is fine."

"You had what we call abrupt foetal distress, resulting in a miscarriage. There was nothing we could have done to save the pregnancy I am so sorry but your baby has died.

"No!" she screamed in such agonising pain as she began to sob. Santana just stood there in shock staring at the doctor until she felt Rachel grab her hand. Santana slowly crawled onto Rachel's hospital bed and held her tight and just let her cry.

* * *

**Sorry for the Finn bashing at the start of the chapter i actually love Cory how he played Finn this is just where my mind went for this chapter **


	6. Chapter 6

**Yea so this one is really short sorry but i had no inspiration the next one shall me longer cause i've had an idea!**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters **

**Please review cause of my hiatus i kinda don't know if i've still got it so REVIEWS APPRECIATED **

* * *

The days that followed the news were horrible; Santana had never seen Rachel so distraught. That first week she did nothing but cry over the loss of her unborn child. Though she seemed to be getting better Santana still saw her crying when she thought nobody would see her. Santana had started to stay with her every night since she left Brody and she knew how lonely and hurt Rachel was so she never protested when Rachel ask her to stay until one night three weeks after Rachel got out of hospital something changed in her.

Lying together in Rachel's bed with Santana nearing sleep, Rachel moved closer to Santana. Slowly, so very slowly she leaned in and softly kissed Santana's lips then jaw and moved down to her neck. "Rachel what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing Santana." Rachel said in a low seductive tone.

"Rachel no, I'm sorry but no not now. You need to be in a better mind set if you want to do this so maybe in a few weeks but not tonight." She said while Rachel planted soft kisses against her throat and jaw.

" I know what I want Santana. I want you that's all I want. I want you." She whispered. Santana noticed the tears forming in her eyes and knew how much pain she was in and that what she needed right now. "Please Santana, please" With a resigned sigh Santana brought their mouths together with no intention of separating. Their kisses started soft and sweet before both of their wanting took over and raw passion was all that was between them. Santana took control flippingRachel onto her back and straddled the younger woman's hips, kissing her fiercely as she pinned the petite brunettes wrists behind her head. Rachel was surrounded by the scent of Santana and the feel of her soft skin as the Latina's free hand slowly wondered up Rachel's sides removing the oversized T-shirt she had worn to bed that night. Releasing her grip on her lover Santana quickly removed her own nightdress only to seize Rachel's lips with her own once again. Slowly she kissed down Rachel's neck to her chest and slowly down, licking her way to the younger woman's waist. Her hands slipped under the waistband of Rachel's pants quickly removing them completely.

* * *

"I'm so sorry Santana, I shouldn't have made you do that." Rachel whimpered as a tear slowly escaped her eye.

"Don't you dare be sorry. I wanted to and I enjoyed it so don't be sorry." Santana responded as she wiped away the lonely tear. "What does this mean Rachel? Do you want something more out of our friendship or what?"

"I don't think I can handle anything more than friendship right now, which is why I am so sorry."

"Wasn't it good for you? Did you want me to do something different?"

"No, oh god San it wasn't you, that was different but amazing. So much better than Finn or even Brody but I just can't right now. I'm so sorry."

"Yea I get it that's okay but I think for a few days I should stay in my own bed just so I don't try anything." she said with a wink.

"I think that would be best." Rachel replied seriously.

Santana stood and gathered her clothes, not bothering to get dressed she half-ran to her room and fell straight onto the bed. All she could think about was the feeling of Rachel pressed against her. Her hot breath ragged against her neck. Their bodies as close as physically possible. These were all things she had experienced before but something was different now. Somehow with Rachel it was better something was different in such an amazing way. Santana slept better that night than she ever had before and even though Rachel wasn't ready she had hope for a possibility of something more between them.

* * *

**Reviews please **

**Next Chapter by Saturday 14th September (Australian side of the date line guys) **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: i don't own shit **

**Need reviews and suggestions (writers block) **

* * *

"Okay Rachel, I accept your choice to express your own sexuality and such but next time you and Santana decide to 'explore' could you please either tell me so I can leave or be more quiet next time. I couldn't sleep with that much noise." Kurt said, his voice slow and tired but still smug.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I promise it will never happen again. It was a one time thing, I swear it wont happen again." Rachel promised in a flat emotionless tone with a look of shear guilt and sadness in her eyes. Kurt saw how even in a mocking situation Rachel still looked dead inside.

"Rache, I know you're hurting right now and I'm so sorry that this happened to you but you're going to be okay. How about tonight we have a real girls night? You, me, Santana and I hear Mercedes is in town and want's to come say hi if you're up to it?"

"No I cant, I'm not in the mood." She muttered as she stood and left for NYADA. Walking through the door she couldn't hold in her emotions anymore. Closing the door behind her she let her tears escape deciding to walk to school rather than take a cab or the subway. The walk was long but she needed some alone time and the warm wind blowing through her hair was just what she needed to clear her mind. The crowds of people surrounded her as she walked, closing in on her, judging her. She quickened her pace, hurrying through the streets. Miraculously she made it to the school in under half an hour giving her time to practice before Cassandra got there.

Quickly she changed into her leotard and tights and nearly ran to the bar. Feeling the firm wooden bar in her hand as she wrapped her slender fingers around it and turned to face the mirror she felt relaxed. Her warmups only lasted ten minutes before she needed to really move. Once she had decided on a song she plugged in her phone and let the music flow through her. She could feel the vibrations through the hardwood floors, the bass pounding through her head to the beat of her heart. She leaped through the air and spun with all the grace she could manage. She moved with with all the feeling she could muster and let her emotions pour into her movements. The way she turned and twisted let out everything she had felt for the past month: the joy, the sadness, the fear. Near the end of the song she began to think of the baby and Santana, spurring her on to dance with more energy than ever before until the song came to a close and she collapsed to the floor. She didn't know when she started crying but as she lay crouched on the floor she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. It was another several minutes before she heard someone approaching her but once she heard it she was sure that had been there a long time.

"That was the best you have ever danced Schwimmer. I'm proud of you, you've finally started to listen to what I've been telling you. Now get up you look pathetic." Cassandra July had never complimented her (or anyone for that matter) before and Rachel was dumbfounded as she stood to face her teacher. "This is going to happen once and only once because you clearly need it." Cassandra leaned in and hugged Rachel quickly before pulling away just as fast.

"Thank you Miss July." Rachel muttered while avoiding eye contact.

The rest of the class went pretty smoothly and Miss July almost never made fun of her for the whole lesson.

* * *

She arrived home later than she normally would have and walked straight to her room without even acknowledging either of her roommates. She quickly picked out some pyjamas and marched to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Santana and Kurt waited for her to come out of the bathroom but after 30 minutes they knew something was wrong. They walked to the door and Santana knocked four times and softly asked "Rachel, are you okay? You've been in there for a while, what's going on?"

They waited by the door for an answer and when it came it was so quiet they barely heard it. "Yea... I'm fine I'll be out in a minute." but they could hear the tears in her voice. "Rache..." Santana sighed as she tried to open the door only to find it locked. "Rachel open the door." Santana pleaded "Just give me a minute okay." She replied.

Both Kurt and Santana didn't like the idea of waiting while Rachel was crying but they couldn't do anything so they both stood there in silence waiting for their broken friend. It took another four minutes before she emerged, puffy eyed and the final tears still spilling from her eyes. Kurt moved forward and took Rachel in his arms gripping her tightly to his chest. Neither of them said anything they just stood there and hugged each other while Santana watched, unsure of what to say. Rachel and Kurt separated as Kurt mumbled a quick apology and something about having plans with Adam before quickly leaving the apartment.

The two girls were left alone for the first time since they slept together the previous night. All they could do was stare at each other in an awkward silence before Santana spoke up. "Look Rachel I don't want last night to affect our friendship. I had fun and if you never want to do it again that's fine but don't let it ruin this." Santana pleaded. Rachel didn't say a word as she stepped closer to Santana and placed her hands on the older girls hips. "Dance with me?" She said in a low, sultry, voice. "But there isn't any music?" Santana replied. "I don't care" said Rachel as she stepped even closer to the taller woman and rested her head against her chest. Santana was completely powerless when it came to this short, uptight, loudmouthed diva so she couldn't help but wrap her arms around the smaller girl and sway to an invisible beat.

"I'm sorry about last night San. I shouldn't have let you leave and I was thinking about it all day and i'm not sure if I could handle being more than friends but I could try." Rachel whispered looking up into Santana's eyes. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to Rache. I want you to get better. What happened to you... Nobody should have to deal with that at our age. Ever since I moved here you have become my best friend and in that way I love you, so I cant let you destroy yourself and being with me if you're not ready could ruin you. If you want to do this I'm ready but are you?"

"I don't know. But what I do know is that last night... Last night was the first time since I got pregnant that I felt normal and wanted. If you can make me feel like that how could being with you destroy me?"

"If you were with me you know what people would say and I know since this is the big apple people are more accepting of people like me but are you ready for what people could say? Do you even know if you're a lesbian or bisexual or could it even have just been a one time thing? Rachel did you even think about that? Last night could have just been a hormonal thing for you and you might not even enjoy it if we did it again." Santana's questions threw her off a bit because in truth she hadn't thought about it all. In her mind she just knew that their first kiss and what happened last night was better than anything she had experienced before but was it just hormones? She had been pregnant during the first kiss... And last night she was very upset. To really find out they would just have to try again.

"San I don't know but I know how we could find out" she said as closed what little remaining distance there was between them.

"Rachel no. I should have said no last night, not until I know you're really ready."


End file.
